Love this quote: 'We’ve unlearned to be bored, to be in silence, and to engage critically with one another. Instead, we’re running away from the fear of being alone, from hearing our thoughts, from embracing discomfort and paradoxical truths, and from confronting ourselves with those parts of us that we dislike or judge.'
Read it a couple of times for it to sink in properly.
Great stuff, Monika. And awesome to see you sharing these thoughts. In some ways, I benefit from us not being a parasocial relationship on this one! :) (aka, Greg Sherwin here)
Loneliness isn't a new phenomenon, of course. But being a defining social illness of our time is new.
Because our social biases are all centered now around fungible lives we can plug and play anywhere, regardless of context, in pursuit of self-fulfillment and self-development. Great for capitalism. But this is also a form of spiritual reductionism where humanity is broken down into interchangeable, fungible parts -- where we alone are our own universes and are entirely responsible for our own self-sufficiency.
One need only look at most residence / neighborhood designs in the modern world to see how much isolation and withdrawal are celebrated as aspirational.
This collides with the superficial "survival of the fittest" narrative, which is really about collective thriving rather than an individual one. What if life fulfillment is actually, at least partially, a collective act? Isn't it curious how the best things to get us out of a crisis and a personal "funk" sometimes is to look outward, to focus beyond the self and on others as a source of inspiration, encouragement, and impact? Being of service to others can be a selfish act of giving service to the self.
Thanks so much, Greg. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts here!
And yes, there's research that proves that such acts of service, even the smallest ways of doing a favor ie giving something without receiving anything, are crucial in filling the void and sense of alienation that can come through loneliness.
There seems to have grown a bias more broadly that suggests we shouldn't get involved in other people's lives, like "you take care of yourself", you don't want to offend them or overstep a line. I think the opposite (in a respectful and genuinely kind way) is true.
Terrific article, Monika. Plenty to mull over. I do like this framing of how the experience of loneliness can ironically be a pathway to recognising a shared experience.
By the way, a couple of years ago I stumbled across that etymology of alone being descended from all-one and I just loved it. It sounds so complete. As opposed to the yearning state of feeling lonely.
I so agree with the notion of "oneliness" all-one, one-all. In many languages there's no distinction between solitude and loneliness, it's simply "soledad" for example. Also interesting as there seems to be a clear difference between one and the other for many of us.
Yes, there does seem to be a clear difference for many of us. Although, as an introvert (and speaking to the Aussie culture I know best), I must say that my need and preference for periods of all-oneness are often viewed with suspicion by some extroverts I come across. An extroverted aunt of mine, for example, once described my need for time alone as "a type of depression". Which it most certainly is not. As I write this a thought has occurred: Maybe we find it difficult unpacking and talking to the experience of loneliness because our extroverted culture does not distinguish between aloneness and loneliness with enough discernment? Or maybe I just need another coffee...
Love this quote: 'We’ve unlearned to be bored, to be in silence, and to engage critically with one another. Instead, we’re running away from the fear of being alone, from hearing our thoughts, from embracing discomfort and paradoxical truths, and from confronting ourselves with those parts of us that we dislike or judge.'
Read it a couple of times for it to sink in properly.
Thanks Olla! 🙏 I'm glad this resonates with you.
Great stuff, Monika. And awesome to see you sharing these thoughts. In some ways, I benefit from us not being a parasocial relationship on this one! :) (aka, Greg Sherwin here)
Loneliness isn't a new phenomenon, of course. But being a defining social illness of our time is new.
Because our social biases are all centered now around fungible lives we can plug and play anywhere, regardless of context, in pursuit of self-fulfillment and self-development. Great for capitalism. But this is also a form of spiritual reductionism where humanity is broken down into interchangeable, fungible parts -- where we alone are our own universes and are entirely responsible for our own self-sufficiency.
One need only look at most residence / neighborhood designs in the modern world to see how much isolation and withdrawal are celebrated as aspirational.
This collides with the superficial "survival of the fittest" narrative, which is really about collective thriving rather than an individual one. What if life fulfillment is actually, at least partially, a collective act? Isn't it curious how the best things to get us out of a crisis and a personal "funk" sometimes is to look outward, to focus beyond the self and on others as a source of inspiration, encouragement, and impact? Being of service to others can be a selfish act of giving service to the self.
Looking forward to more of you writings to come!
Thanks so much, Greg. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts here!
And yes, there's research that proves that such acts of service, even the smallest ways of doing a favor ie giving something without receiving anything, are crucial in filling the void and sense of alienation that can come through loneliness.
There seems to have grown a bias more broadly that suggests we shouldn't get involved in other people's lives, like "you take care of yourself", you don't want to offend them or overstep a line. I think the opposite (in a respectful and genuinely kind way) is true.
Terrific article, Monika. Plenty to mull over. I do like this framing of how the experience of loneliness can ironically be a pathway to recognising a shared experience.
By the way, a couple of years ago I stumbled across that etymology of alone being descended from all-one and I just loved it. It sounds so complete. As opposed to the yearning state of feeling lonely.
I so agree with the notion of "oneliness" all-one, one-all. In many languages there's no distinction between solitude and loneliness, it's simply "soledad" for example. Also interesting as there seems to be a clear difference between one and the other for many of us.
Yes, there does seem to be a clear difference for many of us. Although, as an introvert (and speaking to the Aussie culture I know best), I must say that my need and preference for periods of all-oneness are often viewed with suspicion by some extroverts I come across. An extroverted aunt of mine, for example, once described my need for time alone as "a type of depression". Which it most certainly is not. As I write this a thought has occurred: Maybe we find it difficult unpacking and talking to the experience of loneliness because our extroverted culture does not distinguish between aloneness and loneliness with enough discernment? Or maybe I just need another coffee...