When I bring up the topic of loneliness to people I meet for the first time, I’m met with a range of responses.
Some seem to get nervous, and slightly uncomfortable with me saying the L-word out loud—unhinged, but not intended to provoke.
The stigma is palpable. No one wants to admit they feel lonely and yet most of us are.
We’ve just become used to concealing it.
By rushing on, indulging in busyness, distracting ourselves with our phones, engaging in small talk, and settling for superficial connections. Sometimes, by remaining in romantic relationships or friendships that have long since drifted apart. Because it’s more comfortable, more convenient, it seems better than being alone, or is it?
Embracing loneliness as part of the human condition—and if not experienced at a chronic level—is healthy. There’s no way to gloss over the fact that loneliness significantly affects our mental and physical health and overall well-being. Yet, the experience of loneliness might enable us to reconnect with our deeper longings, ponder the questions that arise when the world falls silent, and honestly reflect on ourselves and our desired relationships with ourselves, others, and the world.
In his reflections on the stigma of loneliness, Stephen Joppich writes:
The antidote, I think, isn’t to push away the shame and stigma of loneliness. Instead, we might start by acknowledging that these feelings are perfectly normal. More importantly, we can discover — through mindful conversations and careful self-disclosure — that many people feel the same way. When we feel lonely, we’re in great company.
This was the very essence of our first community gathering held in Lisbon, Portugal this past week. Following our debut in Berlin last December, I felt drawn to return to a place that always evokes a sense of homecoming to me. Joined by my co-host Gabriella White at the serene space of Armazém Soul, we gathered a group of 35 individuals, including locals, expats, and passersby.
We began by opening a conversation on modern loneliness, exploring its nuanced dimensions—from its influence on our friendships and romantic relationships to the impact of social media and the prevailing hustle culture, the idea of “organized loneliness,“ and the fallacy of finding belonging in mass movements in connection to the rise of far-right populism, in Europe and beyond.
How can we cultivate an appreciation for friendships on par with romantic partnerships?
How do we return to simply hanging out together—free from any agenda?
What barriers prevent men from connecting on a deeper, more vulnerable level, and how can we dismantle them?
What does true community mean in a world where it’s becoming another commodity to consume?
These reflections, shared during the event, reaffirmed the universal nature of loneliness. Each of us can relate to it in our own unique ways, driven by a fundamental longing to be seen, heard, and understood.
Coming together to explore the interplay between loneliness and community may seem counterintuitive, yet it proves essential. Rather than abandoning loneliness—often misunderstood and stereotyped—we ought to embrace it as a catalyst for connection and understanding.
During our gathering in Lisbon, designed to engage mind, body, and spirit, we encouraged participants to move freely, alone and together, mirroring each other in fostering empathy and connection. We immersed ourselves in a poetic musical performance, synchronizing with each other’s brain waves.
We shared moments of silence—arguably one of the most intimate ways to be with each other—and engaged in active listening, reflection, and sharing. And, as always, concluded with the ritual of writing ‘Lonely Letters.’
One participant shared: “I loved the flow and different ways we approached loneliness and how we explored different ways to relate more deeply with others. I left full and connected.”
Loneliness has the potential to act as a bridge to what all of us can relate to—if we allow it. By welcoming it and remaining open to both giving and receiving, we can navigate the discomfort of feeling alone and rediscover awe inherent in the interconnectedness embodied in the etymology of (l)oneliness—where all is one, one is all, and no one is ever truly alone in their feelings of loneliness.
A big thank you to my co-host Gabriella White without whom this event would not have been possible, to my partner-in-life Rommel Orellana who supported with music, AV, and emotional support, to Magdalena Burtan Zunia and team who provided the space and hospitality of Armazém Soul, to João Nogueira for capturing the essential moments, and for everyone who showed up, shared it with friends, and is supporting my work from wherever they are. 💛 Love to you!
What’s next?
Learn more about Sharing Our Loneliness, drop in our next monthly online community gathering to hang out, chat, and connect on March 28 at 20:00 CET—and stay tuned for our next events taking place in Berlin on April 17, and more.